Kris: Yo dude, I met this chick that doesn’t masturbate.
K: Yeah, she doesn’t.
V: What do you mean?
K: Well, she says she doesn’t like it. She can live without sex for a year.
V: So she smashes a stranger once a year?
K: Well, I might keep this one.
V: As a trophy?
K: Not for me, for her, so she doesn’t have to live without sex.
V: Dude, how ugly is she?
K: She was in a pretty bad car crash when she was young but she still has her vagina.
V: “She still has her vagina” Wtf dude? So she’s like a walking pocket pussy to you?
K: You just defined all women.
V: Walking pocket pussies?
K: Yeah, just a shame they talk though. Well, they could make noise if it were up to me but just moaning or pre-programmed sentences like “yes, i love it”, “harder”, “deeper”.
V: The harder thing never works for me because if I go any harder Imma cum.
K: Yeah.. so back to that deformed chick that doesn’t masturbate.. Maybe she was molested as a child?
V: I think she just went to catholic school and the nuns told her that the bible says that..
K: Yeah, omg, so basically she’s just dumb?
V: Probably, hold on, I have to google this “why some women don’t masturbate”, let’s see: Why are all the sites that come up British?
K: Maybe this social issue is at its most critical in Britain nowadays?
V: Got some wonderful answers: “masturbating is for losers” and “if you don’t feel like it, don’t”.
K: Hmm, I’m such a loser. Yo Vlad, you loser.
V: No, you’re a loser.
K: No, you are.
V: No, you’re mom is.
K: Probably, well, I hope so for her. Fuck me, a life without pleasuring yourself, you might as well go and hang yourself.
V: And “Don’t do it if you don’t feel like it”, yeah no shit. Hey, why don’t you go rape yourself? You’ll love it.
K: Actually, I think that’s wonderful advice for children.
V: So, to everyone who has never masturbated before: go rape yourself!