Kris: Yo, Harry Potter is bomb!
-Do you mean, the bomb?
Kris: No, just bomb.
-Right, okay.. Yeah, the books are not bad.
Kris: Are you fucking kidding me? The books are a fucking masterpiece. Fuck J. R. R. R. R. Tolkien or whatever his name is with his retarded hobbits and whoever the fuck wrote Game of Thrones, they’re all a bunch of inbred morons compared to that MILF that wrote the Harry Potter books.
-I’m not so sure it would be accurate to categorise her as a MILF but then again, everyone has the right to his own opinion. And taste is subjective, I suppose.
Kris: Fine. Cougar, then.
-I’m pretty sure they’re the same thing.
Kris: Whatever, any chick worth 650 million dollars is getting my vitamins, proteins and minerals. Regardless of her age.
-First of all, what does that make you? And second of all, I doubt there are minerals in your sperm.
Kris: Oh, you’re trying to be smart? Well, for your information, any woman awesome enough to have swallowed my babies has provided me with a signed written statement saying that my gunk does not only consist of vitamins, proteins and minerals but also precious gems such as diamonds and rubies. And once this precious substance has been absorbed into a female’s blood stream she will see rainbows for the next nine months.
-Are you implying that your seed is so potent it can impregnate even if absorbed through the mouth?
Kris: I’m just citing their signed written statements. You wanna talk about potency? My boy milk can keep concrete walls together.
-Like a superhuman superglue?
Kris: Correct, but more permanent.
-What has all this to do with Harry Potter?
Kris: Well, Harry Potter is awesome.
-Do you mean the character or the books in general or the movies?
Kris: Well, Harry’s not my favourite character, my gay crushes are Snape and Sirius Black.
-You’d fuck them?
Kris: Perhaps not so much Snape but Sirius? Hell yeah, dude’s got style.
-Doesn’t he die?
Kris: Yeah, for having too much swagger. Harry got him killed for stealing the spot light.
Kris: Yeah, it’s like the Bible, you gotta read between the lines.
-You’re comparing the Bible to Harry Potter?
Kris: Yeah, they’re in the same category, only the latter is readable.
Kris: Yeah, reading Harry P. doesn’t make you want to set the book on fire and pee on it.
-Doesn’t that kinda defeat the purpose of setting it on fire in the first place?
Kris: Perhaps, but not really, it’s all for dramatic purposes.
-And do you think others share that same sentiment?
Kris: Yeah, it can be the only reason for the Bible being the most-sold book in history.
-So you’re insinuating that all these years people have merely been buying Bibles so they could set them on fire and then piss on them?
Kris: Well, yes, people sensible enough to do so, because God knows there is no other use for that travesty of a book, if you can even call it that.
-Well, it consists of bounded written pages, so technically, yes, it’s a book.
Kris: Nonetheless, the Bible might have gotten a bit of a head start but I’m sure the HP sales will soon catch up.
Kris: And if you’re still in doubt regarding my seed’s magical powers ask that bicycle of a mother of yours.
-That bicycle of a mother of mine?